okay so you know when i wrote to you and said,
“now that I’m on the other side of your being away,
I mean, you’ve been gone longer than what’s left,
it’s feeling easier.
I’m excited for your return, but not in a desperate way any more.
It doesn’t feel so empty.
Or at least, not right now. Hope is a good thing💜💜”
and then the next day
and the day after, now
and now it feels desperate again.
I have none of the answers, I’m just guessing at them
i don’t even know what the questions are anymore.
It is the silence that I cannot bear.
2 thoughts on “9:16a, 14 november, 2019.”
I haven’t forgotten the questions.
I said I don’t know them anymore.
Reading comprehension is fundamental.
None of this shit “leads” me.to depression. I have ultra ultra rapid cycling bipolar disorder type 1. I essentially live my life in a mixed state.
Except for today.
I am cycling so fast in between euphoric mania and depression that it is literally taking my breath away.
It isn’t a mixed state which is confusing enough to deal with but this is like the two competing feelings are elbowing each other out of the way to compete for my attention and it’s exhausting.