in desperation I tried to not be desperate.
(I do not think that I was successful.)
to your infinite credit you did not shy from my touch
you never do.
I stroked your cheek, your chest, your collarbone.
watched you inhale
I tried to be in the moment, to get out of my head and simply feel.
Wanting to swallow you whole,
to be swallowed. Whole.
i could not.
breathing through my open mouth
so I would not sniffle
so I could control it (could I? Girl.)
so my breath would not hitch
so you would not know.
I had to stop thinking about
about not touching any other person
until I see you again
having not touched any other person since the last time I saw you
And the time before that.
no other physical contact no matter how wholesome.
I am hoping that the intrusive, inconsistent noise from overhead isn’t disturbing you
anywhere near as much as it is clearly disturbing me.
i cannot sit with these thoughts anymore so I turn away
pushing myself back up against your hip to hide the inevitable tears that
you just know as I just know, always.
You curve me into your embrace
resting your head on mine
dear, sweet thing.
You have given me exactly what I have needed
And for a while, it is enough.