8:15 in the morning June 20th 2020

Woke up anxious and depressed. 7 am. It’s an hour and a quarter later I have smoked something that usually is very reliable, I am almost finished with my buttered coffee, and I am still anxious and nervous and depressed there is nothing that is working for me.

today is Saturday and I am going to work and it is going to be busy. I am going to take an edible before I get in the shower and I am going to bring more edibles with me and I don’t know how I’m going to get through the day. Harris isn’t going to be there and I don’t think Jay is either so I don’t really have anyone that I can just tell that I’m having a hard time. Doc is going to be there but he is with patients all day.

Today is going to be really fucking hard. Because it is already.
My entire body is tense.

Understand that all of this is happening.
Understand that there are things to do to mitigate it, and that you know what those things are.
understand that you really have to do them.

Talk to yourself as you would a friend. What do you want for her? Use perspective to help her, you, me.

I’m going to need a lot of help today.
I am hoping you will listen.

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