i took two showers yesterday
one when i got up, thereabouts
another after i knew for sure that i was going to see you
brushed my teeth, twice.
(nothing is sure anymore.)
i hate having to keep putting myself out there to ask
hate being the one to put myself out there to everyone
this isn’t about you so much as it is about me.
i reach out tendrils
lengthening, sometimes to the sky, it seems.
feeling so very pushy, always
but now even more so since there is literally no one to talk to
every in-person conversation, interaction feels precious
hoarded.
turned over, inspected. saved.
i don’t want to waste any of it on anyone who doesn’t matter.
screens are one thing but it is no substitute,
so flat, so
cold.
so not real.
i had hoped for more skin time
more actual face time.
more hugging
more snuggling, curled up.
more of your hands in mine.
patience is something.
i know i cannot push you, you will stand firm.
and there is only so much that i can say.
i am thankful for you
as i know you are thankful for me.
as always.
The Salty Widow 