i hate being alone so much.
i hate it hate it hateithateithateit
quiet and alone and lonely and cold even in this heat
even in this heat the cold strangles my blood
freezing it cold solid cold
i shiver in this heat.
i could have stayed at yours but no.
i am afraid.
the rain, the dark, the aloneness.
you held me in your arms you squeezed me closer
felt the heat bloom from my body setting it afire
holding me closer.
i tangled my fingers in yours
hoping to keep some of you for me
when i go.
i sit in your kitchen, smoking
vibrating in place i cant sit still inside
i don’t know how i appear, manic, most likely
i hate coming to you, needful, needy.
i don’t think i ever feel pity from you, i don’t think
(if i begin to think i won’t let go so lets just not)
i know i am not always like this i know that
but right now i am very much like this and it is hard to be.
much less be around.
i know i am exhausting.
i am so sorry.